I Went On a Hunt For Skyrim Remastered Glitches, and…

Guys, I think there’s something wrong with Alvor…

A couple days ago I came across this article on Kotaku and left the following (Still Pending Approval) comment after I had a very different experience playing Skyrim Remasterd:

“That’s so strange, in my play through on PS4 I haven’t encountered issues nearly as bad as this. One blacksmith’s eyes rolled back in his head and his mouth hung open like something was happening to him off camera.”

— Levi Harris, Kotaku Comments section 11/03/16

I remember chastising myself for not taking screenshots or video of the glitch…then remembered I actually did.

Get ready to meet Alvor. Before you pass judgement, he’s really sweet. He lets me use his blacksmithing equipment free of charge and he always buys my old junk…but he’s, well…

Just watch the video below. It’s only, like, 17 seconds and you tell me which of the following is happening:

A) There’s a finger up his ass

B) A mouth on his genitalia

C) He’s trippin’ balls on some sweet, sweet Skooma

D) He’s just born that way, dude, leave him alone!

Let me set the record straight, this is the only glitch I’ve come across in my 9 or so hours tooling around this particular portion of Tamriel. But as you’ll see, Alvor is a beehive of activity:

Looks pretty normal, right? Just a blacksmith straight chillin’ like he’s posing for his senior pictures…

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WRONG! HE HAS FUCKING MOUTHS FOR EYES! 

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That’s…kind of better. Still weird, but at least I can feel my heart beat slowing down…

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GODDAMNIT ALVOR! STOPPIT!

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If I stumble upon any glitches as horrifying as the Crimson King Alvor here, I’ll be sure to post them — although I doubt they’ll be as terrifying as Alvor, a barbershop quartet’s wet dreamboat.

OH, ALSO I HAD TO CAPTURE HOW I DEAL JUSTICE AS A THIEVING HIGH ELF

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I must have thought it was Alvor when I shot him between the top mouths.

P.S. SKYRIM IS STILL A PRETTY GAME

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SO PRETTY

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