šŸŽ¶Trailers…fuckin’ trailers, yeah!šŸŽ¶

You’re supposed to read the headline likeĀ Jack BlackĀ is singing it

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Holy shit, what a day for trailers! If you’re a nerd like me, you started your day with 3 minutes of Nintendo Switch announcement (going to be huge in the BDSM community),Ā followed by the RED DEAD REDEMPTION 2 Teaser. I was already riding high after last night’s presidential debate, so I was loving the liberal media pretty hard by this morning.

I much prefer the name Nintendo NX over “Nintento Switch.” Or anyĀ of these fine names I just came up with: Nintendock, Dock and Roll, Dock, Stock and Two Smoking Controllers and Dock Out With Your Nintendout.

The trailers came and went and then I watched both about 3-4 more times. That initial excitement started to wane by the end. Not because I don’t think both were super fuckin’ rad looking. Because they are — the idea of playing a console Zelda on the can is a dream I’ve had since console Zelda’s were a thing. And the Red Dead trailer, while lacking any story information, looks real purdy. In fact, I was telling my friend Carlos this morning that I much prefer Red Dead over the GTA series, so even if the latest entry in the western epicĀ somehow ends up like garbage, I’llĀ lose a couple weeks to it regardless.

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The idea for the Nintendo Switch is Nintendo doing what it does best.

No, the reason my excitement lessenedĀ is because of the terrible naming choices for two of theĀ (ostensibly) biggest gaming announcements in the past few years. I much prefer the name Nintendo NX over “Nintendo Switch.” Or anyĀ of these fine names I just came up with:Ā Dock, Stock and Two Smoking Controllers,Ā Nintendock, Dock and Roll, and Dock Out With Your Nintendout.

NINTENDO SWITCH

Nintendo SwitchĀ is what we kids called this thing back in the 80’s :

Nintendo Switch.jpg
This is the Nintendo RF Switch. Not to be confused with the Nintendo Switch.

That was our “HDMI” cable, so to speak. While I understand why Nintendo chose the name (marketing speak ahead), it creates new mindshare around a new naming convention. By leaving the “Wii” nomenclature of out the titleĀ they’re establishing this as a totally separate product. But Switch? It’s 2016, it should be called the “Laser Beam” or “Transformer” or “Pussy Grab.” Stupid first-world griping aside, I’m still excited to see the gaming community’s reaction when they get their hands on it.

READ DEAD REDEMPTION 2

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Shit name. Terrible. I work in marketing and I don’t care what kind of mindshare lies in the Red Dead Redemption name. Sure, it shipped 14 million copies and is regarded as one of the best games to come out in the past decade…I get that. But it’s for that very same reason you don’t need to tack a number onto the end. I’ve heard people bandy about the name Red Dead Revolution, Read Dead Renegade, Read Dead Retribution and all of those are better than Red Dead Redemption 2. And judging by the trailer, this is looking quite a bit like a prequel to the original RDRĀ so the “2” naming is bananas. Why not call it Red Dead Redemption-1? At least that way it would make sense. I hope I’m wrong and it’s not a prequel. Even so, put some creativity into naming games. Even Star Wars doesn’t call itself Star Wars 1, 2, 3, 4. People know it’s a fucking Star Wars movie because it’s literally called Star Wars. I’m pretty sure people are smart enough to figure out that a game called Red Dead (insert anything) is a game in the Red Dead universe. It will still translate to lots of cash for Rockstar Games.

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Glad they’re injecting a Revenant vibe into the game.

Again, just a personal gripe. While those two trailers were very exciting, the one that won the day is the trailer for Logan. I know it’s not a game, but I do have other hobbies.

LOGAN

I made my way into work around 9:30 this morning and heard some dudes in the art department listening to Johnny Cash’s cover of “Hurt.” Since that’s probably the saddest rendition of some of the most brutally honest lyrics, I got bummed out. Then I heard Hugh Jackman speak. I was pretty sure thatĀ Mr. Jackman wasn’t in the studio with “The Man in Black” when he recorded the song. I could be mistaken about that, though. Someone in another pod asked if it was the new Logan trailer and I was all “I’ll give it a look, I love that song.” Oh boy…

My friend Mickey and I agree that there are a few male actors that can instantly make a grown man cry. Hugh JackmanĀ is one of those guys. He’s got this relatable contortion and lip twitch he does that just fucking does it. And in the Logan trailer you witness thisĀ hard-as-adamantium-nails hero appear weak and emotionally fragileĀ in a trailer about loss,Ā lost hope and self worth…let’s just say my face got really warm and this wet stuff appeared around my eyes.

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Fucking sad Hugh Jackman…asshole always makes me cry.

Holy shit does Logan look good. It appears like the super hero movie is finally ready to grow up. Deadpool did a fine job of holding everyone’s hand through it’s R-rated scat humor while weaving in a great little love story. But Logan looks like it’s going into all out “characters-you-love-are-going-to-die-and-we-don’t-care” territory. Which is exactly what this genre needs.

There’s something really cool going on with movies that has never happened before. We’re growing up with these characters and aging as they age. And it looks like the writers over at Marvel studios are smart enough to realize this. When Hugh Jackman first played Wolverine in X-Men I was 16. I’m double that age now. The trailer is leading us to believe this is a movie about reckoning. Handling mature subjects like letting go of the past, dealing with painful loss and wondering if you have the willpower to be the heroic person you thought you once were taps into somethingĀ primal in every human. As we age we yearn for the past, but in the past we perpetually lookĀ to the future. No one is ever happy where they are. The trailer makes it look like Logan is going to tackle these topics in a smart and accessible way. I wasn’t excited for this movie before today, now March can’t come soon enough.

All three of the subjects I covered are going to get my money. Let’s be real, here. I’ve included the three trailers below for your viewing pleasure. I hope they make your day as substantive as mine has been. And let me know if Hugh Jackman instantly makes you sad like he does for me.

NINTENDO SWITCH ANNOUNCEMENT TRAILER

RED DEAD REDEMPTION 2 ANNOUNCEMENT TRAILER

LOGAN TRAILER

In case you’re wondering, the URL’s for Switch and Switch were purposefully “switched” because I’m really clever like that. Although I guess less clever now that I’m pointing it out. Sigh, looks like it’s back to the cage a.k.a “VR Alley” for me.Ā 


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